St. Curtis, the Patron Saint of Clutch and Bloody Socks and St. Pedro, the Patron Saint of Excellence

So Joshua, listen buddy, let me tell you something exciting. Some day you are going to join the Canon of Red Sox Saints. I bet you didn’t even know this prestigious group existed, but they do. I pray to them pretty much every night, right before I fall asleep in my Damon Buford jersey, which is a child’s-sized medium, and, consequently, does not produce a nice mental image, but I digress. You’re going to be the Patron Saint of Badassery. Pretty cool, no? I thought you’d like that. There was that time that I said you were no Johan Santana, and I think it’s possible you may have overheard me, but that’s water under the bridge, and come on, that’s not even true any more. I wouldn’t trade you straight-up for Johan. I wouldn’t trade you straight-up for anyone right now because you’re there. You’re a Red Sox great. A future saint!

There’s just one little thing I’m asking for, Josh. I think you know what it is. I know my fellow fans would really appreciate it too. But no pressure; your fate is sealed. When your career is over, you’ll join St. Pedro and St. Curtis as the Sox from this era in the Canon (St. Jason, St. Timothy, St. Manuel and St. David will be there too–I don’t know about St. Kevin, St. Jonathan, and St. Dustin yet).

But, you know, a win tonight wouldn’t hurt.

Listen, Joshua is a post from: Free Pedro